fuck your aforementioned shoe
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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