Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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