I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
