i'm signing you up for texting rehab
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
