You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
