girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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