a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
