I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
