I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
