Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
