I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
