if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You need a sexual gate keeper
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
