also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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