So drunk its hurt
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
