nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
