NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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