to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
