I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
