You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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