Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
