had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
