I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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