It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
