In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Ladies don't puke and tell
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize