He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
