but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
