i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
