dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My penis needs a shock collar
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
