oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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