I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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