Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
