my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
