Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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