So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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