I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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