awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
