why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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