I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
