My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
