i'm signing you up for texting rehab
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize