I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
