You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You don't make any sense
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