im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
