Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize