Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I think people are normalizing furries
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
