I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
