she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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