THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He better not be in your backpack
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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