I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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