I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
