I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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