Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Boobs speak an international language.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
