i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
