And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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