You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
