The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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