i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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