I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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