yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
