I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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