I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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