Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
