I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
