My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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