I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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