I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
