4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
